So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
