I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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