JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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