so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
