pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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