tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
