you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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