Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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