Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
