My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
