im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Someone shit on the floor
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
