Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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