you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
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