just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
