hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
