I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
