It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
