she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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