never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All Iβve had today is sex and water. I think itβs time for tacos.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
tell me about the eggs
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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