It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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