Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
