I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
