he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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