Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
third nipple confirmed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
