Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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