It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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