i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
