I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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