Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Randomize
