Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
