if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
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i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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