Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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