Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
