I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
