so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
