He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
