your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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