My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
