I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sext me about skeletons
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
