My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
