I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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