I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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