if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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