Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
