the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
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our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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