im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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