You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
