fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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