also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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