You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
