Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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