that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
