you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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