apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
