just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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