I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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