im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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