When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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