Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
