Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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