you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
