so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
