Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
