on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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