Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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