I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
