Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
