My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
