you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
