idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Randomize
