it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
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All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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