hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
