I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
