Hey man sorry I got all grabby
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
