I only kidnapped one of them. chill
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
