im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
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