bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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