Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
