biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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