I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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