Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
