My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
