i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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