He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
